Military 'pet' peeve has tax ramifications for us all

Today's column features some food for thought with regard to how our tax dollars are being put to work. First, I'd like to pose the question, if cockroaches were furry and had cute faces would we like them better?  

In these relatively peaceful times, the Department of Defense is waging a new war against pests and is running into a difficulty with regard to the classification of cats as pests. We all know that cats are loveable creatures, criticized by many for their amazing ability to show no sign of emotion (unless they want to), but loved by millions for their soft fur and cute faces.  

It would appear that our military bases are in serious danger of being overrun by cats, of both tame and wild varieties, and the Defense Department is working on figuring out a scheme for dealing with the cat overrun humanely.  

According to an article released recently by the American Forces Press Service, the brains at Walter Reed Army Medical Center are working on finding methods to deal with the exploding cat population. Peter J. Egan, an environmental biologist and member of the Armed Forces Pest Management Board, claims that a person can open a can of cat food at a military base and the cats "come out of the woodwork." One problem in dealing with the cat issue seems to lie in the area of classification. Base veterinarians are in charge of dealing with base pets, but the Pest Management Board is called in to deal with pests. So which is it: Pet or Pest?  

Apparently there wouldn't be any problem making the classification if the animal were, say, a cockroach. Egan claims that, "Nobody loves a cockroach - except maybe an entomologist - and no one feels bad when we kill one." [except maybe the cockroach…] Cats, it would seem, are a different story. Destroying cats can become a public relations nightmare, and here is where the tax angle comes in.  

Are we going to stand by and let our tax dollars be used for killing sweet cuddly cats? (And is there anyone who will stand up for the millions of cockroaches being slaughtered?) By law, the Department of Defense is required to protect endangered species. Interestingly, the argument is being made that cats on military bases are killing endangered animals (mice and rats, perhaps?), and therefore are eligible for extermination in the name of saving the endangered animals. The bottom line, according to Egan, is that "under certain circumstances anything we like can be a pest."

That'll be 3 cents an e-mail, please!  

And speaking of pests, the German Finance Ministry has stretched the meaning of taxation to a new level. Equating personal time in the workplace spent on surfing the Internet to a perk such as personal use of a company car, the German government has decided that such personal Internet time should be clocked and taxed.  

German employers are expected to monitor and track the amount of personal time employees spend on the Internet and tax the employees on this time. Employers have called the proposed ruling insane and impractical, claiming that such monitoring would be impossible to accomplish.  

Throughout Europe many Internet users still pay a per-minute charge for online use, so the cost of constant Internet access can be enormous. Many larger companies, however have switched to flat rate Internet access, and these companies would not be subject to the tax. Instead it is small businesses that will be hit the hardest.  

Critics claim the government is being small-minded in this attempt to line its coffers. "It will be a big inhibitor to the evolution of the Internet in Germany," according to a spokesman for AOL Europe, the nation's No. 2 Internet service provider.

Meanwhile, back at home, all we have to do is worry about which of the many attractive tax proposals being tossed out by our presidential candidates will actually find their way back to our pocketbooks. With luck, we'll all end up with enough in tax credits to buy some higher quality food for our cats, exterminate our roaches, and spend our leisure time surfing the Internet (tax-free, of course).